It seems as though our esteemed President, Donald Trump P’00, has gotten himself into a bit of a sticky situation. The leader of the free world  is “in peach.” How could the Oval Office fall so low? As a member of Young Uninformed, I repeatedly asked my Young Democrat friends about President Trump, but my attempts were fruitless. The pit of the matter is, how did Donald Trump get in a peach, why is this important, and what are people doing about it?

          How did Trump get into this sweet, sugary mess? While I have yet to find any media coverage of the peach, I have collected evidence that a peach is a food eaten at picnic, and much like a picnic, the Trump administration is full of WASPs trying to get a bite. After reading the Mueller Report and the transcript of Trump’s conversation with the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelensky, I have determined that there were no mentions of peaches in either. It seems midnight has arrived for this Cinderella story of Trump’s administration – he is now in peach. Why is this important? Obviously, a country cannot be taken seriously if a man in a peach runs it. This might be the reason Trump was laughed at during the last NATO meeting.

          What is being done about Trump’s status? Republicans deny that the president’s condition is in peach, and Mitch McConnell has declined the Lorem Ipsum* White House correspondent’s requests for an interview. Clearly, there is a big cover-up. Democrats, on the other hand, are dragging discussion of being in peach. The Green Party is working to protect the peach itself and wishes to plant the pit to create more trees, and Libertarians say that it is not the government’s place to plant any peaches.

Reason has made it clear to me that Donald Trump really needs to get out of that peach. Our President is in danger of being an embarrassment to himself, to the United States, to his family, and most importantly, to Choate. I therefore call upon all of you to aid me in my endeavor to remove Mr. Trump from that peach.