Welcome, reader, to the chicken championships! The poultry prizes! The food frenzy of domesticated fowl! We at Lorem Ipsum*, through in-depth and dedicated polling, bring you the true stars of the SAGE chicken world. Whether it be through taste, accessibility, or emotional significance, these chicken dishes rule the roost. 

5. Drunken Chicken

This dish continues to perplex the Choate student body. What exactly has this chicken drunk? Is it breaking a major school rule? Has anyone called Safe Haven on this chicken? Either way, we hope it keeps doing what it’s doing!

4. Popcorn Chicken Bowl

With its popcorn chicken bowl, SAGE presents the American holy trinity of corn, potatoes, and chicken. This dish is served at the grill section, but students tend to scarf it down on their way to their dorms. The telltale beige bowls are left marooned across campus till the end of the year. 

3. Chicken Salad

Often skipped over, but a reliable substitute for sandwiches. This chicken salad is the sole surviving chicken of the Meatless Monday Massacre. It sits defiant in its bowl, challenging anyone to take it out of the deli section. It has a bit of a greenish hue, but don’t worry, it’s not mold. We think.

2. Buffalo Chicken

The Swiss Army Knife of the Choate chicken repertoire. Buffalo chicken comes in many forms, from wings to wraps, sandwiches, quesadillas, pasta, and even sometimes desserts. Once a rarity, this dish has toppled the burger’s dominance on Thursdays, making it possible to eat SAGE’s buffalo chicken three times a week, at least. Buffalo chicken for everyone!

1. Chicken Parmesan

Aaaah, yes, the sought-after, nearly unattainable glory that is SAGE’s chicken parm. This dish is said to be so delicious that it has single handedly decimated Choate’s vegan population. The pinnacle of Choate’s chicken offerings, this dish is beloved, consumed without question, and causes a line to form from the servery to the Lanphier Cafe. This divine delicacy, often paired with overcooked peas and cheesy garlic bread, is usually unattainable for students without a free block and the result of at least a three hour wait in line. No matter how many fail to obtain it, SAGE’s chicken parm will always be the object of Choate students’ fixation.