In a recent push from the Choate Administration and C-Proctors, SAGE Dining has made a minor change to their weekly service schedule. Beginning in October, Hill House Dining Hall and the Tuck Shop began closing their doors to students each Friday to reduce the school’s footprint. This new “Food-less Fridays” initiative is projected to boost the Choate servery’s LEED rating to such a high level that the building is being considered for a Nobel Peace Prize.

         Lorem Ipsum* has interviewed students from all walks of life to gauge their reactions to this new initiative. Malnu Tritian ‘21 spoke with reporters on how Food-less Friday has positively impacted her thus far. 

         Correspondent: Do you see any benefits from the new “Food-less Fridays” initiative?

Student: “Yeah. I mean, I’m getting way more sleep now than I did in September. Usually after classes every Friday, I’m so dizzy I just pass out and wake up on Sunday at two in the afternoon, ready to study. Sometimes, I don’t even make it from the Humanities building back to my dorm. I just faint on the sidewalk!”

Correspondent: So, you feel like you’re catching up on lost sleep?

Student: Oh, for sure. Two weeks ago, I was really struggling to wake up in the morning. Now that I spend each weekend unconscious, it’s becoming so much easier for me to rise and grind during the school day.

         You heard it here first. Food-less Fridays are great for both Choate students and the environment. However, Lorem Ipsum*, as a nonpartisan news source, is dedicated to showing all sides of the story. Despite the student body’s overwhelmingly positive response to Food-less Friday, a few negative ones stick out. One disgruntled third-former, who wishes to remain unnamed, shared his opinion.

         Correspondent: How have Food-less Fridays affected your day-to-day at Choate?

Student: Well, I just started here about a month ago, and it’s been great. I love living in Mem, but when I tried waking up my roommate last Saturday, I found out he was out cold from hunger. I wanted to get breakfast, but he just wouldn’t get out of bed! That was super annoying.

Correspondent: Wow. That sounds like a bummer.

Since the advent of Food-less Fridays, the Choate Instagram account has released multiple polls they insist are unbiased, as well as some pictures to boost morale. The polls consist of entirely positive feedback on the plan, and the photos all depict Choate unconscious students on SAC couches with the hashtag #CRANK-IT.

A press conference was held last Friday night to discuss the initial success of the program, but our reporters did not attend. They were busy breaking through the Tuck Shop gates to get chicken sandwiches.