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John Legend Gets Rejected by Maiyeros

Pop star John Legend was reportedly rejected by esteemed acapella group Maiyeros. The Maiyeros, the most illustrious all-male group on campus, are known for both their innovative takes on popular songs and their extremely selective auditioning. 

In order to craft their exquisite performances, standards for selection must be very high. Legend, who performed at Colony Hall to celebrate its grand opening, unfortunately did not make the cut. An audition evaluation sheet found in a Colony Hall trash can read, “His voice is good. Maiyeros looks for exceptional singers, and sadly Mr. Legend didn’t stack up to his peers. I’d say he is a better fit for festival chorus. Maybe, with some stronger foundations, he could make it next year. He needs to undergo significant artistic growth before joining the Maiyeros.”

When asked about his rejection from Maiyeros, Legend feigned confusion: “Maiyeros? What’s that? I’ve never even heard of it. Listen, kid, I’ve got somewhere to be, places you couldn’t even dream—” 

When asked about Mr. Legend’s audition, Maiyeros Co-President Maxwell Brown ‘21 responded vaguely: “Wait, John Legend tried out for Maiyeros? Oh, wait, he did. He was like, fine, I guess. I don’t really remember what he sang. It was fine. Just fine.”

Unlike John Legend, members of the Maiyeros have not been affected by the disappointing rejection.  Lucas Eggers ’21 had no recollection that John Legend had even auditioned. “This whole news article about John Legend is too much. Nobody believes you. John Legend didn’t come here. The only person we rejected was this short guy who played the piano mediocrely and sang some janky song about his wife.” Legend was notably absent during the Maiyeros’ performance during the Parents’ Weekend concert.