Sources inside the Office of Admission recently confirmed that Willie Maxwell, known to many as “Fetty Wap,” will be joining the Choate community this upcoming fall as a Post-Graduate (PG) musical recruit.  Esteemed artists such as Maxwell are, of course, sought after by a crowd of exceptional educational institutions, a fact begging one question of Maxwell: why Choate? Could it have been the KEC residential program? The SRP Program? Arts Concentration? When asked, Maxwell told reporters, “After my global success with “My Way” and “679,” I wanted to get on some next-level flow. My homies weren’t cranking out those bars that made me blow up, so I figured I’d have to find myself a new squad.” Maxwell reported that, upon accidentally typing “Hillraq” into his Soundcloud searchbar, he came across “what can only be described as a gold mine of potential: half-baked lyrics performed by overly enthusiastic rappers.”

The discovery of such talent in an untapped corner of cyberspace warranted a swift and powerful creative intervention, the artist explained. Exclaimed Maxwell, “How could anyone not get sucked into the dark, dank whirlpool that is the Choate Rap Game?”

Such developments have led to the belief now that Maxwell’s enrollment at this fine school is partially an act of charity, partially one of artistic residency. His attendance is projected to increase exponentially the quality of student-produced mixtapes and singles. “Y’all need help,” observed Maxwell, “and I believe I’m the one who can give you that. My main goal is to put in work, blow up even more, spread some wisdom, and bounce.”

Soon, students believe, each dorm on campus is expected to be afforded time in the studio with the hip-hop mogul and each individual will have the opportunity to become a young MC. English teachers will likely have yet another platform to stress the importance of tone, word choice, and concision, and the math department will be able to use quantitative analysis of Wifi-use data to advise artists on the best times to release their tracks, projecting a brighter future for all students as a result of Maxwell’s acceptance. Said the admissions office at press time, “Next fall, come armed with Bean boots, a bucket hat, and some bars to spit. The 2016-2017 year will be, as Maxwell says, ‘lit.’”