In an unforeseen turn of events, the Choate Rosemary Hall Board of Trustees recently made an incredibly progressive and forward-thinking change, led by Mary Atwater Choate, who founded Rosemary Hall in 1890. Due to technology developed only a few years prior in 2045 which enables communication with the dead, Mrs. Choate was able to play a role in the School’s latest strategic plan. She issued orders from her grave, and rumor has it she held Board members hostage until they agreed to follow her direction. Her first order of business was requesting upwards of 95 percent of Choate’s current endowment to fund the development of her hologram so that she may be reinstated as headmistress. This hologram, while deceptively realistic, is simply a projection and incapable of most human activities. In the case of many freshmen, this is very fortunate: Mrs. Choate has no way of hitting them with her cane as she passes them on the pathways.

            Choate’s Young Democrat and Republican clubs have begun the difficult process of debating the issue of hologram rights. As more and more students take sides, issues have risen left and right. One of our Lorem Ipsum* correspondents sat in on a recent Young Republicans and Young Democrats joint meeting. It was difficult to make out any words over the screams of passionate young activists, but the issue of hologram bathroom usage seemed to be the focus of the “discussion.” The solution, provided by an eager fifth former, was simple: the holographic headmistress would reserve all campus bathrooms, and porta-potties would be set up at convenient locations, such as the parking lot behind Colony Hall, for student use. The student’s contribution was met with resounding applause.

            Another issue currently on the table for Choate’s administration is the provision of holographic meals. Mrs. Choate’s forlorn stares at students enjoying their lunches from across the dining hall are beginning to make people uncomfortable, so SAGE has implemented a new, entirely fake station full of holographic chicken for Mrs. Choate to feel represented among her fellow diners. An anonymous student who tried the holographic chicken sent us their review:  Dry.

            The Choate student community has been very accepting of the new holographic Head of School. Reporters observe students attempting to shake her hand, before looking mortified when their arm passes directly through Mrs. Choate’s body. The headmistress, dressed in the same clothing she wore in 1890, drifts from class to class advising teachers on methods of punishment that “we should not have gotten rid of.” One of our correspondents reported seeing her trying to order at the Tuck Shop, but her transparent hand combined with the updated Windows 95 operating system of the kiosk only served to frustrate her.

           A nervous Choate student, who wishes to remain anonymous, recently reached out to Lorem Ipsum* reporters with several holographic concerns. He is currently enrolled in Algebra II, and we interviewed him about a suspicious new exchange student:

         Correspondent: “We’ve heard some rumours about a suspicious new student in your Algebra II class. Would you like to elaborate?

            Student: “Yeah. It all started this winter. He just showed up one day, and nobody knows where he’s from. He’s super quiet and I’m pretty sure he’s another hologram. He looks a lot like Mrs. Choate, too.”

            Correspondent: “Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. What’s making you suspicious?”

            Student: “Well, this one time, he put his whole arm through his desk to grab a pencil off of the floor. I just thought it was a cool magic trick. And this other time, he just disappeared for a couple minutes and reappeared. It’s just, like, the little things.”

            Correspondent: “Well, that’s certainly not a whole lot of evidence that he’s not human. Maybe you should come back with some more evidence.”

            Lorem Ipsum* promises to keep the community updated on the progressing hologram situation. After a press conference, editors were informed that the holographic Head of School was most recently seen trying to find an outlet so she could recharge.