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Hillary Clinton Unable To Balance Presidential Campaign With JC Election

As the 2016 presidential race winds down, new reports have emerged arguing that Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton should be taken out of consideration for the Presidency on account of her simultaneous campaign for the Choate Rosemary Hall Judicial Committee. Clinton, who officially became the first major-party female presidential nominee in late July, announced her intention to run for the Judicial Committee in mid-August.

“It would be an honor to be on the Judicial Committee,” she told Lorem Ipsum reporters in an exclusive interview. “I am a firm believer in fair and just punishments, and I want to provide what is best for the people. I am fully prepared to devote my resources to both my Presidential campaign and the JC election.”

Following this announcement, however, numerous sources observed resulting schedule conflicts in Clinton’s campaign, leading many to express concern over her ability to effectively manage the two positions. Donald Trump, the GOP nominee and Clinton’s greatest rival at the moment, added fuel to the fire when he insinuated that Clinton would be skipping the upcoming presidential debate to give a speech at Seymour St. John Chapel for the fifth-form JC speech meeting. “What we need is someone who is capable of running this country,” Trump commented at a recent press conference, “not some wannabe lawyer who won’t even show up to the debates.”

Trump’s remarks evoked mixed responses. One Twitter user wrote, “What’s a presidential debate without the future president??? [sic]” Another user, @feelthebernnn, replied, “I would legit pay good money to see Donald Trump debate with himself.” Some other tweets questioned Clinton’s ability to manage her schedule, while others desperately urged Bernie Sanders, a Democrat who dropped out of the race in early July, to take her place.

One of Clinton’s publicists later denied Trump’s claim, stating that Clinton will be present at the debate, and is in fact prepared to win. Clinton later confirmed this herself, thanking her campaign followers for their continued support in both elections. “Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend form meeting next week,” she wrote in an announcement on her website that was later forwarded to the fifth-form class by Form Deans Michael Velez and Nancy Miller.

At press time, a source requesting anonymity out of “fear for his own life” reported that Clinton had barely even managed to secure the necessary number of signatures on her JC petition before the deadline. Though reporters have reached out for follow-up comments, the source has yet to be found again.