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Behind-the-Game Senior Still Not Sure Which Fake Passion He Pursued this Summer

After writing his third essay draft for the Common Application, rising sixth form student Pierre Stevenson ’18 reportedly realized that he still was unsure about which passing interest to exaggerate into a lifelong passion pursued to its furthest extent for the sake of his application. Sources close to Stevenson revealed that he was among the last of his friend group to do so.

“Between writing a blog post to save the rainforest, starting a consulting service for kids in my town applying to high schools, and filming a three-minute documentary about the evils of the food industry, I’ve got a quite a decision ahead of me,” Stevenson told reporters. “As long as I can get whatever it is done in the next week, I can say I’ve been working on it all summer and I should be set. It’s not like they’re really gonna check anyway.”

At press time, Stevenson had reportedly set up a branded company and website to give away his old school supplies to “underprivileged youth” in his suburban hometown on Long Island.